They show up. They do the work and they’re the ones that find the best dates.
Every single time.
When I see people becoming the best version of themselves they are the successful ones.
They are the ones that make things happen.
They don’t give up. They don’t nag and complain. They’re patient with the process and don’t rush it.
They are the ones that have interesting dating lives and enjoy the journey.
If I could give you just one tip today. It would be to become the best version of yourself. Learn how to be happy without someone. Learn how to date yourself.
When we can achieve these things we start to attract higher quality people, more dates, and more love and happiness into our lives.
I had someone tell me that they couldn’t be happy and fulfilled until they found the “one.” I tried to explain to this person that you are your “one.” You have to become whole without someone else. When we become whole before finding our partner we have more to offer. A partner is not meant to complete us. A partner is meant to compliment us. Creating the idea that we need to find someone to make us whole puts a whole lot of pressure on another person. That’s pressure that no one should have to bear.
When we approach dating with the mindset that we “need” someone to make us whole we put blocks on the dating process. We block healthy whole people from coming into our lives, we sabotage relationships and create unhealthy patterns immediately.
This is why it’s so important to create a life that you’re fulfilled with before finding your “one.” Your one will just compliment your life and make it even better. You’ll also attract more high quality dates when you are filled with happiness, passion and gratitude for the life you already have.
I challenge you to create the life of your dreams now not “after you find a partner, after you get that job, after this or that.” Why are you waiting on doing things you love? Why are you waiting based on future wants?
Do those things now! Right now stop what you’re doing and take one baby step towards doing something you’ve always wanted to do.
Book that trip.
Take that class.
Go on the date.
Start that business.
Write the book.
Whatever it is take a step to fulfilling your dreams and life now. And as you do you’ll notice the old dating patterns start to fade, maybe you’re no longer attracted to half assers, you become fulfilled and you expect the same in your date. It’s like magic when you put two souls together that are already fulfilled. Those are the couples that make big things happen. That create goals and dreams together.
Here’s the thing if you don’t make the commitment in anything in life you’re not going to succeed.That means failed relationships, failed businesses, failed health and failed dreams.I’ve been there. I’ve made the half ass commitment and seen dreams disappear and relationships fail.It wasn’t until recently that the half ass commitment mentality hit me. Since this is a page all about relationships I’ll relate it to that but we can half ass anything in life.
You can’t have a successful relationship without committing to the process. You can’t half ass the relationship and expect great results. You have to put your whole ass in.It’s the same with trying to find a relationship. I have people come to me wanting to use my services but they can’t even commit to a consultation call!They don’t make the commitment to make the call time work with their schedule, they don’t show up for the call, the don’t show up to do the work. But they still complain about their dating life. They wonder why they aren’t finding high quality commitment minded dates. They wonder what they’re doing wrong. They wonder why they keep falling into the same dating patterns with no success. It’s because of the half ass mentality. They are not showing up to do the work. I can immediately see why it’s not working for them. They’re not committed they’re just interested.
You have to become committed to the process in whatever you want in life. If you don’t you’ll see failure more than success. You have to become committed to becoming the best version of yourself, identifying what isn’t working, making the change, being committed to the change and continue to move forward. Commitment is not easy. It comes with icky “holy moly that limiting behavior is still in me” constant growth ah ha moments.
How are you going to show up in your dating life? Are you committed to finding someone and creating an amazing life giving relationship? Or are you just interested in the thought of dating, possibly finding someone?
Do some deep soul searching when answering that question. I had to recently. I had the ah ha holy moly that limiting belief is still in me. I immediately recognized that it was holding me back. I was not committed to a process in a particular situation in my life. And I hadn’t been for years because of past heartbreak. When I recognized it, it was the most freeing feeling and it felt damn good to get it out there and begin the process of growth.
If you’re committed to the process of finding high quality dates and finding the one it’s time to get to work. Men don’t magically fall from the trees. Show up, become the best version of yourself and see the shift start to take place.
You’ve been hurt, your heart has been broken way too many times to count, and you’re stuck wondering are all men like this? Do you just wait for the ball to drop with each and every date?
The thing about dating is we’ve all had our heart broken. We’ve all experienced broken trust or crushed expectations in one form or the other. It sucks, it hurts and it can be damn hard to love and trust again. But the truth of it is…that new date is NOT your ex. He’s not the guy who broke your heart. He is a brand spankin new person with new qualities, new traits and new things to bring into your life.
And then this happens…we start to look for the red flags and what could possibly be wrong with this person before getting to know their heart? When we look for the bad before really getting to know someone we can immediately set up the relationship for failure. We start to nit pick qualities, we start to compare them to an ex, we look for ways that could stop a good thing before it even gets going.
But what if we completely changed how we approached our date? What if we focused on looking for a date’s strengths instead of immediately looking for things that could go wrong? If we approach a date with a positive mindset and look for the good qualities instead of focusing on the bad the whole dynamic changes. Instead of writing someone off immediately because of a superficial qualities we may find a hidden gem underneath it all.
I want to challenge you. On your next date look at the man across from you and ask yourself what is amazing about this person? Is he respectful to the waiter? Is he funny? Does he talk with passion about things significant to him?
Of course if the date is just horrible from the beginning and the date is totally disrespectful there’s no need to continue to pull out possible good qualities. Just don’t write off a potentially great date before it even starts.
When I was dating here’s what I would do…I would focus on what is amazing about this person? What can I learn about them? I would forget about all the things that could go wrong and instead focus on all the things that could possibly go right. When I made this simple mindset shift around the dating process my dating life completely changed. I not only apply this to my dating life but all my relationships. I have a deeper appreciation for the people that are in my life. I constantly look for how they’re amazing and why I’m so grateful that I have them in my life.
So I challenge you to walk into your next date thinking “what is amazing about this person?” I promise they’ll feel your positive energy, the date will be more relaxed and you’ll have a lot more fun.
How many times have you received a new message from a possible date with the words “Hi” “Hey” or “How are you?” Probably too many times to count! It’s time to spice it up! Do you want to stand out from the crowd or do you want to blend in with the rest of the millions of singles online? That’s why I created this Become Your Own Matchmaker Online Dating Series so that you can date successfully and stand out above all the rest!
In today’s tip I’m going to share with you a few tips on how to create an introduction that stands out. Remember you only have 7 seconds to make a great 1st impression and usually only have ONE chance to get someone to respond back. So it’s important to make that introduction catchy, cute and NOT creepy!
When writing a stellar introduction it’s important to remember a few tricks.
Use proper grammar. Bad grammar online is a turn off. Including texting slang and abbreviations. Stay away from ur, u, wat, r, yo and everything in between.
An introduction should not focus on physical compliments. You might think it’s a nice to send compliments like “You’re gorgeous” or “Hey sexy” but it looks like you’re focusing on physical traits more than getting to know someone for who they are as a person. Especially if you’re a guy sending this to a girl often it makes women feel a little creeped out because we wonder is that your pick up line for all girls. Are you just focusing on someone for their looks or do you really want to get to know me as a person?
Don’t use the horrible H’s, the “Hi” “Hey” or “How are you?” This is your time to get their attention. Instead of the normal hi and how are you’s ask a creative question. This will up your chances of them actually reading your message and getting a response.
Most important be flirty & confident! When you radiate with friendliness, fun and common respect (without using Hey Sexy) you’re more likely to get responses from high quality dates.
Want a list of creative introductions and more ideas on how to be successful with online dating? Sign up for my Become Your Own Matchmaker: Online Dating Series Course HERE!