Here’s the thing if you don’t make the commitment in anything in life you’re not going to succeed. That means failed relationships, failed businesses, failed health and failed dreams. I’ve been there. I’ve made the half ass commitment and seen dreams disappear and relationships fail. It wasn’t until recently that the half ass commitment mentality hit me. Since this is a page all about relationships I’ll relate it to that but we can half ass anything in life.
You can’t have a successful relationship without committing to the process. You can’t half ass the relationship and expect great results. You have to put your whole ass in. It’s the same with trying to find a relationship. I have people come to me wanting to use my services but they can’t even commit to a consultation call! They don’t make the commitment to make the call time work with their schedule, they don’t show up for the call, the don’t show up to do the work. But they still complain about their dating life. They wonder why they aren’t finding high quality commitment minded dates. They wonder what they’re doing wrong. They wonder why they keep falling into the same dating patterns with no success. It’s because of the half ass mentality. They are not showing up to do the work. I can immediately see why it’s not working for them. They’re not committed they’re just interested.
You have to become committed to the process in whatever you want in life. If you don’t you’ll see failure more than success. You have to become committed to becoming the best version of yourself, identifying what isn’t working, making the change, being committed to the change and continue to move forward. Commitment is not easy. It comes with icky “holy moly that limiting behavior is still in me” constant growth ah ha moments.
How are you going to show up in your dating life? Are you committed to finding someone and creating an amazing life giving relationship? Or are you just interested in the thought of dating, possibly finding someone?
Do some deep soul searching when answering that question. I had to recently. I had the ah ha holy moly that limiting belief is still in me. I immediately recognized that it was holding me back. I was not committed to a process in a particular situation in my life. And I hadn’t been for years because of past heartbreak. When I recognized it, it was the most freeing feeling and it felt damn good to get it out there and begin the process of growth.
If you’re committed to the process of finding high quality dates and finding the one it’s time to get to work. Men don’t magically fall from the trees. Show up, become the best version of yourself and see the shift start to take place.
You’ve been hurt, your heart has been broken way too many times to count, and you’re stuck wondering are all men like this? Do you just wait for the ball to drop with each and every date?
The thing about dating is we’ve all had our heart broken. We’ve all experienced broken trust or crushed expectations in one form or the other. It sucks, it hurts and it can be damn hard to love and trust again. But the truth of it is…that new date is NOT your ex. He’s not the guy who broke your heart. He is a brand spankin new person with new qualities, new traits and new things to bring into your life.
And then this happens…we start to look for the red flags and what could possibly be wrong with this person before getting to know their heart? When we look for the bad before really getting to know someone we can immediately set up the relationship for failure. We start to nit pick qualities, we start to compare them to an ex, we look for ways that could stop a good thing before it even gets going.
But what if we completely changed how we approached our date? What if we focused on looking for a date’s strengths instead of immediately looking for things that could go wrong? If we approach a date with a positive mindset and look for the good qualities instead of focusing on the bad the whole dynamic changes. Instead of writing someone off immediately because of a superficial qualities we may find a hidden gem underneath it all.
I want to challenge you. On your next date look at the man across from you and ask yourself what is amazing about this person? Is he respectful to the waiter? Is he funny? Does he talk with passion about things significant to him?
Of course if the date is just horrible from the beginning and the date is totally disrespectful there’s no need to continue to pull out possible good qualities. Just don’t write off a potentially great date before it even starts.
When I was dating here’s what I would do…I would focus on what is amazing about this person? What can I learn about them? I would forget about all the things that could go wrong and instead focus on all the things that could possibly go right. When I made this simple mindset shift around the dating process my dating life completely changed. I not only apply this to my dating life but all my relationships. I have a deeper appreciation for the people that are in my life. I constantly look for how they’re amazing and why I’m so grateful that I have them in my life.
So I challenge you to walk into your next date thinking “what is amazing about this person?” I promise they’ll feel your positive energy, the date will be more relaxed and you’ll have a lot more fun.
Be Flirty & Fun!
It’s Flirty and Fabulous Online Dating Day 5 and today it’s all about being flirty and fun! Online Dating doesn’t have to be boring or something you hate doing. It actually can be a fun process to find some fabulous dates that eventually lead you to the “one.” So today it’s time to makeover those online dating profiles and mindsets!
What if you start approaching online dating with fun and positivity? Yes it can become discouraging to swipe right or left on hundreds of profiles without getting nothing but a dud. It’s important to stay in a positive mindset during the dating process. If we think negative about dating and the options out there then more negative experiences will attract themselves to us. When we start to have fun with the dating process our energy is reflected in our dates. I haven’t had a bad date since 2011 right after my divorce! And to be honest my mindset sucked at the time! I also learned how to screen my dates better before agreeing to meet them. It took months of re-programming how I approached dating and meeting new people. I’ve never been on a bad date since. Of course I went out with plenty of people that it just didn’t work out and we were not a good match but I always had fun in the process.
- Be friendly and smile. A person that is friendly and smiles raises their attraction level. When you’re friendly online the potential date assumes you’ll be friendly and fun in person. This ups your chances of moving the interaction from online to in person.
- Stay positive in your messages. Don’t talk about how bad your past dating experiences have been. A funny story here and there about a date gone wrong is ok but story after story of how dating sucks for you leaves a negative vibe. If it sucks so bad for you the person reading the messages might wonder what you do to make it so bad.
- Be flirty. The best flirting is respectful and fun. Flirting is not sending questionable photos that you could regret later. Give casual compliments, be a little sassy and talk about fun topics. If you need more flirty tips check out our date coaching sessions where we teach you how to flirt successfully and not awkwardly.
So today I have a challenge for you! Let off more positive and fun energy on your profile, in your messages, in your mindset and on your dates. Let me know how the dating process changes for you. And remember do this consistently, it takes practice and persistence! Don’t give up until you find the “one!”
Do you want more online dating tips? Ready to make your profile stand out above the rest? Want some catchy taglines, intros and more? Check out my Become Your Own Matchmaker Online Dating Course HERE!
I felt like I had to put this out there because I don’t know how many times someone saw my online dating profile and then searched for my social media pages. I think it’s totally okay to check out someone’s social media accounts, it gives an extra glimpse into who they are. However, I highly recommend not to message them on the online dating site and then on all their social media accounts and then message them again when they don’t respond… Yes I’ve had that happen on several occasions. It looks creepy and gives out the wrong vibe. I even had a couple guys get mad at me for not responding to them after I obviously didn’t swipe right on Tinder. I’m like “I don’t even know you!”
So when it comes to online dating don’t cyber stalk. If someone doesn’t respond to your first or second message or your right swipe don’t track them down on social media. Cyber stalking looks desperate, is creepy and will not win you a date. However it might win you a restraining order. If you’re not getting a response from one person just move on to the next. You’ll connect with the right person. You can’t force a connection that’s not there. Also keep yourself safe from cyber stalking. If you have an erry feeling about someone delete them and don’t respond.
Also resist the urge to social media stalk someone new that you’re dating. Why are you checking up on someone that you’re newly dating? It’s easy to take things that you see on social media and over analyze what’s actually going on. I’ve seen many people cause unnecessary drama in a new relationship over something they saw on social media. Get to know someone for who they are not for what you see online. Unless of course their social media is filled with pictures of them and their spouse or any other major red flags! Then you know just to run in the opposite direction. Otherwise if they seem quite normal then let social media go for a while and get to know them.