Are Relationships Hard?
I was reading an article about signs to look for if a partner is cheating. Normally I wouldn’t even read an article with that topic but it was written by a proclaimed “dating expert.” The article listed several signs to look for but the kicker was that each sign was something positive in a relationship. For example, it stated that if “he’s more affectionate, he helps you around the house, he gives you compliments” it’s all signs he’s cheating. I couldn’t believe what I was reading!
Here’s the thing relationships are meant to be GOOD! Yes every relationship faces challenges but the foundation of a relationship is supposed to be good. We’re supposed to be affectionate, help each other and complement each other. The signs of cheating are not when you’re relationship is going great. The signs of cheating are when you’re relationship is missing something like compliments, attention and affection.
So please don’t pick a part your partner and think omg they’re being so nice to me he must be cheating. That’s absurd! Instead be grateful, express your appreciation and do something nice in return. When we over analyze and immediately think the worse in a relationship we’ll attract just that.
When I was dating I went into each date with the mindset “what is great about this person?” Of course there were some dates that I couldn’t find much but then there was that one date that changed my life. When I met my boyfriend for the first time I found out all kinds of great things about him. And still to this day I focus on all his amazing qualities. I don’t focus on what could go wrong or something that annoys me. I focus on all the things that make me fall in love with him more and more each day.
When we choose a mindset of love we see more love in others. We also attract better relationships. When we choose a mindset of assumption, negativity or we’re always looking for the worst even in someone’s acts of kindness then we set ourselves up for unhealthy relationships and failure.
Relationships are meant to compliment us. They are meant to offer us growth, security, love, acts of service and trust. So yes relationships are meant to be good! Find someone that treats you with love and affection is what you deserve. Expect and see the best in your partner and see how the dynamic of the relationships shifts.
Here are 3 tips to expect an amazing relationship
- Practice self love. We teach other people how to love us. When we practice self love and respect we expect it from others. We tend to stay away from toxic people, behaviors and relationships when we have a healthy sense of self.
- Often we put limiting beliefs on our partner without realizing it and to no fault of their own. If you were in a bad relationship in the past remember your new partner is NOT your past partner. Going into a relationship with false judgements or assumptions is asking for a failed relationship. I often see single people saying “There’s no more good men/women out there.” They’re automatically setting themselves up for a failed bad relationship. Every time a limiting belief pops up about your relationship replace it with something positive.
- Practice gratitude towards your partner. Think of 5 things each day you’re grateful for about your partner. If you’re single think of 5 things you’re thankful for like family, friends or a night out. And keep an attitude of gratitude while dating. Your energy is powerful when meeting new people. Have you noticed how you can immediately sense if someone is uninterested or has a bad attitude? It goes both ways!
To sum it up yes relationships take work but every good thing does. One time I had a woman tell me that her relationship was all rainbows and butterflies. I sat there thinking to myself yep you’re going to break up soon. And a few months later they did. Relationships are not always all rainbows and butterflies. It’s a combination of beauty, fun, work, anger, frustrations, growth, learning and a deep love. It’s a combination of all those things mixed together. That’s what makes a great relationship! Expect the good in your partner, grow together and don’t expect relationships to be hard but have the mindset that relationships are an area of growth, of creating deep love and moving towards a common goal together.
What if you missed a Soul Connection?
Life is a beautiful journey. A journey to be embraced, to experience deeply and to love wholeheartedly. I’m convinced people miss soul connections by being close minded to the world. When we stay in our own little closed off bubble to the rest of the world we miss out on the beauty that was designed just for us to experience. We miss beautiful experiences, places and people. I am always awestruck by the people I get to connect with across the world. The lifestyles, the accents, the people fascinate me. What if we looked at love and soul connections with a more open mind and heart? Would we love more? Would we find love faster and fall deeper? Would we experience breathtaking passion more than heartbreak? I’m some how convinced we would. So let’s focus on living with vulnerability and wholeheartedness. Approach each potential connection with an open mind of what the connection could bring into your life. Don’t dare miss your next soul connection.
5 ways you might miss a soul connection:
- You limit your demographic connection. The world is full of possibilities and beautiful connections. If we limit our connections to our own town or city then we are missing out on so many beautifully designed people. People who could spark something in our soul that we have never experienced before. People who could bring us new experiences. Never limit connection by demographics. I have talked to the most amazing people across the world. They broaden my world and make me crave new experiences. The world has so much to teach us, it would be a shame to narrow our possibilities all for convenience.
2. You keep your expectations unreachable. When looking for a soulmate experience it is important to stay true to your values, core beliefs and self. However, don’t let superficial reasons get in the way of connecting with another soul. People often limit connections based solely on someone’s appearance or on a false impression. We forget to dig into who the person really is and we disregard the person before really learning about who they are. We may miss the most beautiful souls due to superficial rejections. Are you really willing to miss the most amazing love affair of your life due to someone not having the exact height or hair color that you seek?
3. Social circles may influence who we keep out of our lives. Don’t let your friends determine your love life. If the kind hearted country boy steals your city girl heart go with it. Soulmate romantic love can be rare. When you find it cherish it.
4. We make limitations on age. I often see women put limitations on age. For example, even though a woman may be pushing 40, she won’t date a man over 40. This cuts the dating pool dramatically. When we make such tight expectations on who we will and will not date we lower our chances of finding a soulmate and just a date in general.
5. We stay focused on our phone instead of the people around us. Make it a point to stay off your phone while in line for coffee, look up, smile and say hello to those standing near you. My conscious thought is what if I miss a connection, a life changing connection. You never know who will cross your path and I would hate to miss a soul connection because I was disengaged in the world around me.
We miss out on beautiful soul connections that will rock our world by the high expectations we place on finding the ideal partner. Soul connections offer us growth, passion, love or just teach us a beautiful lesson. Sometimes the connection comes from the most unexpecting person. We need to keep our heart open so that we do not miss these divine connections. What would it look like if we traveled through life with an open heart and mind so that we embrace the beauty that comes before us? That is a life worth living.
There’s people I work with that just get it.
They show up. They do the work and they’re the ones that find the best dates.
Every single time.
When I see people becoming the best version of themselves they are the successful ones.
They are the ones that make things happen.
They don’t give up. They don’t nag and complain. They’re patient with the process and don’t rush it.
They are the ones that have interesting dating lives and enjoy the journey.
If I could give you just one tip today. It would be to become the best version of yourself. Learn how to be happy without someone. Learn how to date yourself.
When we can achieve these things we start to attract higher quality people, more dates, and more love and happiness into our lives.
I had someone tell me that they couldn’t be happy and fulfilled until they found the “one.” I tried to explain to this person that you are your “one.” You have to become whole without someone else. When we become whole before finding our partner we have more to offer. A partner is not meant to complete us. A partner is meant to compliment us. Creating the idea that we need to find someone to make us whole puts a whole lot of pressure on another person. That’s pressure that no one should have to bear.
When we approach dating with the mindset that we “need” someone to make us whole we put blocks on the dating process. We block healthy whole people from coming into our lives, we sabotage relationships and create unhealthy patterns immediately.
This is why it’s so important to create a life that you’re fulfilled with before finding your “one.” Your one will just compliment your life and make it even better. You’ll also attract more high quality dates when you are filled with happiness, passion and gratitude for the life you already have.
I challenge you to create the life of your dreams now not “after you find a partner, after you get that job, after this or that.” Why are you waiting on doing things you love? Why are you waiting based on future wants?
Do those things now! Right now stop what you’re doing and take one baby step towards doing something you’ve always wanted to do.
Book that trip.
Take that class.
Go on the date.
Start that business.
Write the book.
Whatever it is take a step to fulfilling your dreams and life now. And as you do you’ll notice the old dating patterns start to fade, maybe you’re no longer attracted to half assers, you become fulfilled and you expect the same in your date. It’s like magic when you put two souls together that are already fulfilled. Those are the couples that make big things happen. That create goals and dreams together.
I launched a Podcast a few months ago and I just realized I forgot to put it on the blog! I’d love for you to go over and join me on the podcast. I’ll be talking about everything dating, love, relationships, and more!
I want this to be an unfiltered, raw, full of tips podcast. I’ll be bringing on SPECIAL guests to bring different perspectives, topics and expertise to the show.
So I’d love your suggestions on what you would like to hear on the podcast. Send me all your questions, comments, juicy dating stories and more! Also be sure to subscribe, share and review the podcast! The link to the podcast is below.
Can’t wait to hear from you!
Dating has changed so much over the last decade. The norm for finding love use to be staying in a relationship with your high school sweetheart or finding someone in college or at the local bar.
Today we can find potential amazing matches across hundreds of miles and connect with people with various lifestyles. Technology, dating apps & online dating sites are right at our fingertips. We are so use to convenience and having everything in our reach at a moments notice that this comes into play with our dating life.
So you think modern dating would be much easier than a decade ago but it often seems harder to find that perfect match. We could have dates multiple times during the week with all the dating apps out there! And when this happens expectations often get distorted. We start always looking for the next best thing. Instead of focusing on what we need vs what we want we lose sight of a true great match.
Want to know the best tips to succeed in modern dating? I have 9 tips to help you date successfully, have fun and find love.
1. Know your self worth.
Focus on creating a healthy self love and acceptance of yourself. Be the best version of you. If you want someone with a 10 personality be a 10. Also find your passions and who you are as a person before you bring someone else into your life.
2. Set realistic expectations.
I see people that set unrealistic expectations so much! And it always sets them up for failure. Focus on your needs vs any unrealistic wants. What are your values and non negotiables? If you have an attractive partner but the values are off the relationship will most likely end in heartbreak. Know your standards and values before you start dating. And make that your #1 priority in a partner.
3. Be open minded about where and with whom you could find love.
Don’t limit finding love to certain social circles or demographics. Really reach out and find new places to hang out and make an effort to meet new people.
4. Be bold.
If you see a cute guy at the coffee shop or on the elevator, talk to him! You never know what amazing connection you could make. Don’t take the chance of missing the man or girl of your dreams because of fear. Making new connections is so important!
5. Be true to you.
Do not try to become someone just because you think someone will like you more. You are beautifully uniquely you. Continue to grow into the person you are meant to be. But don’t change your passions and core values for some else. You will end up miserable and this is not living authentic.
6. Let go of the past.
One of the most important steps to finding love is moving forward. Don’t hold on to your ex. There is a reason the relationship ended. Why are you dwelling on a relationship that is over? Why stay with a person that didn’t choose you when there is someone out there that would do anything to be with you?
Recognize your past hurts, feel all the hurt and pain and then let it go. We all have stories to tell of heartbreak, unfaithfulness, abuse, and the unthinkable. You are better than all the pain in your life. You were made with a purpose. Forgive those who hurt you and move ahead. Do not let them have one more piece of your precious energy. Use your energy on healing and creating healthy relationships.
8. Practice loving yourself.
Surround yourself with things that make your soul smile. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you look. Speak and think positive life giving thoughts. When we know our worth that begins to reflect in the relationships we chose. Which is more healthy relationships.
9. Finally, don’t give up hope.
The perfect match is out there. Sometimes it takes time to find true love. It’s just a matter of weeding out all the bad dates and finding that one amazing partner. All the scars from the dating battlefield will be worth it I promise.
Now tell me how you’re actively dating and looking for love with all the modern technology advances? I’d love to hear all your stories!