Here’s the thing if you don’t make the commitment in anything in life you’re not going to succeed. That means failed relationships, failed businesses, failed health and failed dreams. I’ve been there. I’ve made the half ass commitment and seen dreams disappear and relationships fail. It wasn’t until recently that the half ass commitment mentality hit me. Since this is a page all about relationships I’ll relate it to that but we can half ass anything in life.
You can’t have a successful relationship without committing to the process. You can’t half ass the relationship and expect great results. You have to put your whole ass in. It’s the same with trying to find a relationship. I have people come to me wanting to use my services but they can’t even commit to a consultation call! They don’t make the commitment to make the call time work with their schedule, they don’t show up for the call, the don’t show up to do the work. But they still complain about their dating life. They wonder why they aren’t finding high quality commitment minded dates. They wonder what they’re doing wrong. They wonder why they keep falling into the same dating patterns with no success. It’s because of the half ass mentality. They are not showing up to do the work. I can immediately see why it’s not working for them. They’re not committed they’re just interested.
You have to become committed to the process in whatever you want in life. If you don’t you’ll see failure more than success. You have to become committed to becoming the best version of yourself, identifying what isn’t working, making the change, being committed to the change and continue to move forward. Commitment is not easy. It comes with icky “holy moly that limiting behavior is still in me” constant growth ah ha moments.
How are you going to show up in your dating life? Are you committed to finding someone and creating an amazing life giving relationship? Or are you just interested in the thought of dating, possibly finding someone?
Do some deep soul searching when answering that question. I had to recently. I had the ah ha holy moly that limiting belief is still in me. I immediately recognized that it was holding me back. I was not committed to a process in a particular situation in my life. And I hadn’t been for years because of past heartbreak. When I recognized it, it was the most freeing feeling and it felt damn good to get it out there and begin the process of growth.
If you’re committed to the process of finding high quality dates and finding the one it’s time to get to work. Men don’t magically fall from the trees. Show up, become the best version of yourself and see the shift start to take place.
You’ve been hurt, your heart has been broken way too many times to count, and you’re stuck wondering are all men like this? Do you just wait for the ball to drop with each and every date?
The thing about dating is we’ve all had our heart broken. We’ve all experienced broken trust or crushed expectations in one form or the other. It sucks, it hurts and it can be damn hard to love and trust again. But the truth of it is…that new date is NOT your ex. He’s not the guy who broke your heart. He is a brand spankin new person with new qualities, new traits and new things to bring into your life.
And then this happens…we start to look for the red flags and what could possibly be wrong with this person before getting to know their heart? When we look for the bad before really getting to know someone we can immediately set up the relationship for failure. We start to nit pick qualities, we start to compare them to an ex, we look for ways that could stop a good thing before it even gets going.
But what if we completely changed how we approached our date? What if we focused on looking for a date’s strengths instead of immediately looking for things that could go wrong? If we approach a date with a positive mindset and look for the good qualities instead of focusing on the bad the whole dynamic changes. Instead of writing someone off immediately because of a superficial qualities we may find a hidden gem underneath it all.
I want to challenge you. On your next date look at the man across from you and ask yourself what is amazing about this person? Is he respectful to the waiter? Is he funny? Does he talk with passion about things significant to him?
Of course if the date is just horrible from the beginning and the date is totally disrespectful there’s no need to continue to pull out possible good qualities. Just don’t write off a potentially great date before it even starts.
When I was dating here’s what I would do…I would focus on what is amazing about this person? What can I learn about them? I would forget about all the things that could go wrong and instead focus on all the things that could possibly go right. When I made this simple mindset shift around the dating process my dating life completely changed. I not only apply this to my dating life but all my relationships. I have a deeper appreciation for the people that are in my life. I constantly look for how they’re amazing and why I’m so grateful that I have them in my life.
So I challenge you to walk into your next date thinking “what is amazing about this person?” I promise they’ll feel your positive energy, the date will be more relaxed and you’ll have a lot more fun.
6 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Ready to kick boring to the curb in your dating and sex life? A relationship should stay exciting and interesting. Of course you’ll have the everyday routine way of doing things but that doesn’t mean you have to lose all fun and games. Even if the daily routine stays the same spice things up between the sheets!
Here’s 6 ways you can turn up the heat and put the spice back into your sex life.
- Set the Scene
After a stressful day or week sometimes you just need to set the scene to get in the mood. Light candles, take a bubble bath, and play music. It’s the little things that can help us unwind and set the mood for a great night with your partner.
- Practice Yoga
Yoga is known to tone your body and reduce stress but it also ramps up your sex life. Yoga poses increase your libido by increasing circulation to the pelvic region. It also opens up your body physically and increases flexibility. Maybe even try some yoga poses in bed or on the mat with your partner.
- Switch up Locations
The bedroom can get mundane. Try new places in and out of the house to keep the excitement flowing. Make a bucket list of new places and start checking one off at least once a month. An impromptu meeting in the car, the beach, or the lake. The possibilities are really endless. Just make sure that there’s no one getting a peep show!
- Try out the “Adult” only store
Sex needs updates and that means trying something new. Too shy to walk into the store? Check one out online and get everything shipped to you discreetly. Try out The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys where you’ll have plenty of options to choose from and you’ll definitely learn how to spice things up. Maybe take turns with your partner on choosing something new every month. What’s great is there’s plenty of his and her options to choose from! What better way to spice up your sex life with some fun and playful new experiences in the bedroom?
- Try Something New
Are you bored with the same sex positions? Kama Sutra is an ancient Sanskrit guide to sexual techniques and behavior. The guide explains various sexual positions but it also encourages a deeper emotional connection with your partner. It’s definitely something worth exploring. Watch how not only your sex life rockets but also a deep emotional connection.
- Speak your partner’s love language
And who says spicing up your sex life is all physical? The best relationships have a deep emotional and mental connection too. When you combine a great emotional, mental and physical connection to a relationship that’s when your sex life goes out the roof. In Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, he talks about how individuals respond and receive love. When you meet your partner’s love language you deepen the bond between them. Combine your partner’s love language with your sex life and I’m sure fireworks will go off between the sheets.
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Are you experiencing a change in your life? Maybe you’re going through a divorce or breakup. The emotional roller coaster of change can be scary. It can shake us to our core. But what lies on the other side of that change can be beyond our wildest dreams. How do we not know what our future holds if we don’t let go of what no longer is serving us?
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that side you are used to is better than the one to come?” Rumi
When going through my divorce I had to learn to embrace change. I was use to the “picture perfect” lifestyle with my ideal house and ideal lifestyle. When all of a sudden it was like everything was swept out from underneath me.
I lost my house. I lost my security. I felt like the life I created for my kids was gone. It was during that time of complete brokenness that a counselor told me it’s time to create a new normal. Those words have stuck with me.
Sometimes we resist change thinking that there’s not a better side of life. When in reality we’re scared of the unknown. We stay stuck in our comfort zone. We become afraid of what life looks like if we make a big change rather it be a job, a new relationship, living in a new location, or walking away from a situation. Often the biggest breakthroughs are on the other side of fear.
If I hadn’t lost my home, my marriage and my security at that time I would have never created my new normal. And looking back that scares the crap out of me. Because where I am today is beyond more beautiful and unimaginable than I ever thought possible.
Have faith that the better and more beautiful side is to come.
Life, Love & Limiting Beliefs
“Breaking leads to opening. Opening allows expansion. Expansion creates more space. Space lets growth in. Lean into the break, the feeling, the uneasiness of it all. Goodness awaits you.”
Recently I had to do some more breaking. I was holding onto limiting beliefs I didn’t even know I had!
It was through a conversation with a friend and some other unexpected experiences that made me stare those ugly fellas right in the face. You know the kind you’re like holy moly those exist still…in me! I teach on limiting beliefs in relationships and I still have those suckers! What?!?
It was scary, I wanted to retreat back into my comfort zone but I knew that if I did love would not win. Freedom would have been lost. Pure bliss and what I’ve been seeking would have been put on hold again.
It’s in the discomfort, the breaking apart that freedom is found. It’s where happiness is expanded and our purpose prevails. If we don’t accept, feel and recognize the pain and the cracks in our soul we bury them instead of healing them. It’s in this moment we have 2 choices to make – Do we let this crack continue to break us? Or do we let the light in and fill the crack with beautiful things?
If we let the crack continue to slowly expand while blocking the light it becomes filled with more dirt, larger holes and more pain. We never fully experience beauty and freedom in this place. If we start to clean the break out and let more and more light shine in we can create something absolutely beautiful. We can turn our pain into passion, our hurts into happiness and the past into purpose.
I love how the universe shows us where we need to go, what we need to work on and gives us beautiful sprinkles of what can be if we just do the work to get there. Life is meant to be absolutely breathtakingly beautiful and enjoyed to the fullest.
What are you holding back today? What do you need to break free from to let the light in?
Make the conscious choice to break free from limiting beliefs, behaviors and relationships. And do the damn work to get there.
Let me know how it goes in the comments below.